Never Let Fear Hold You Back

For several years in the late 90's, I realized that I was in a dead-end situation. I wanted so desperately to change my environment, move to a city where homes were affordable, meet people similar to me, upwardly mobile, middle class 30-somethings, and leave the NYC metro area. However, fear, doubt, and disappointment became a weight that deadbolted me to working in a dead-end government job in Child Support and residing in a Bronx high-rise co-op.

Finally, in 2001, with the grace of God, with belief in myself, and with support from my family, I found the strength to step out on faith. I had once heard a woman say, "If it is to be, it is up to me." I sat down and wrote a list of pros and cons for staying and leaving, asked what I had to gain and lose, and realized that I had more to lose by fearing taking a chance on the unknown.

Moving out of my comfort zone in NY was the best decision I ever made. Atlanta has offered a wealth of things to do, new friends and contacts, business opportunities, better weather, lots of parties and fun, and a new beginning. It was the best decision I ever made, and this taught me many more life lessons: Never let fear hold you back.

USA Today Dissects Infidelity

I happen to work for a National research company that is cited in two very interesting, extensive USA Today articles about infidelity. The articles in yesterday’s USA Today reference NORC's 1998 GSS (General Social Survey) research study.
'What it means to be faithful' blurred in modern world
'Happy enough' couples fall prey to infidelity, too

Sexually Starved & Selfish

So, Michael Baisden's topic on his radio show yesterday was about (among other things) liars. Specifically, he asked the audience to call in to explain why men have to lie, when there were quite many women ready, willing, and able to accept a man who is either married or otherwise involved. Some women just don't mind.

Some of his male callers came up with basically what amounts to excuses for their dishonesty, stating reasons such as they didn't think the "other woman" would stick around. Baisden's Mama chimed in with an explanation that made sense: the men don't want their women to go and do the same thing or exercise their options. Baisden said he thought it was plain silly for 45 year old men to still have to lie to get what they wanted, and I agree whole-heartedly! A female caller said she boiled it down to selfishness, which is also an excellent point. What type of person must you be to justify to yourself, and REALLY believe that it is simply and perfectly acceptable to lie as long as the ultimate goal is to satisfy your carnal desires, disregarding anyone else's needs, feelings, and human rights to honesty (at least in my opinion)? I think people like that are really sick and twisted, personally. Selfishness and dishonesty are some of the most loathesome of personality traits that a person can possess, and why does it seem that Atlanta is filled with its share of these kind of people.

Not to knock Atlanta, but let's take today. A friend of mine (who shall remain nameless) calls me today to tell me he had the best sex yesterday. He sounded really (and I mean, REALLY) elated, and I was quite happy for him. I thought, "Good, his wife finally gave him some. Maybe he can stop asking me for it". Well, I was wrong. She was an "old friend" who just "happened" to call him out of the blue after several years. Newly divorced and horny (those are my words, not his), she invited him over spontaneously after brief conversation, and then again just "happened" to come to the door in a bathrobe. What transpired next, beginning right there on the foyer floor, is probably too risque even for this blog, but let's just say 4 hours, 5 condoms, and 8 orgasms later, 2 more sexually starved selfish people in Atlanta had their bodies blissfully satisfied.

The display of complete abandon for his wife by both of them is nothing to be naive or surprised about. Just another day in the ATL. ;)

I was actually fascinated. I wanted to know more. Like, "What happens next? Do you guys start an affair now?"
He said, "That's up to her."
So, I continued, "What if she gets attached emotionally?"
"Well, she knew, so if she does, that's on her," he responded carelessly.
"But," I still wondered aloud, "what if she starts calling the house and acting crazy and all that?"
He responded, "Well, that's a bridge I'll just have to cross when I get to it." Wow, I thought. "Are you willing to risk all that?"
He said, "Men are stupid. Look at Bill Clinton."
I guess I do ask lots of loaded questions, the next of which would be no different. "Do you love your wife?"
He responded, "I love her, but I'm not in love with her."

People, will wonders ever cease?

I cannot neglect to mention that just the very day before all this cavorting took place, the bride and groom had just thrown a lovely BBQ at their home, sent out invitations, purchased groceries, seasoned meats, baked cakes from scratch, cooked and grilled for 2 days preparing for the big event. 45 guests, including family and friends, marveling at the lovely couple, their happy, palacial home, probably the envy of many.

Man Sharing 101

I just loved this news article. As an African woman residing in the States, I was surprised to read that my sisters abroad are suffering from the same drought. It's scary to recognize how global are the depths of the desperate measures some women feel they must take in these desperate times.

Unfortunately, this is another one of the indiscretions that have become a common theme in the ATL, and for the same reason as the Ghanian ladies.

I call it a lose-lose proposition. The woman that writes the article offers sound advice why it's probably best to find your own man.

Welcome to the Sea of Sexiness

OK, so it's finally here. I know some of you have been awaiting this masterpiece for a long time - 6 years to be exact. Well, who knew? Who would have known? I mean, it was "THE ATL", after all, right? The so-called Black Mecca. The happening place to be. "Get in where you fit in." Where all these successful Buppies live, riding around in phat cars, chillin' in nice cribs, and landing these high-paying gigs? Gorgeous men and women everywhere you turn, lots of parties, restaurants, festivals, musicals, live jazz events, concerts, and many other things to do. We have Piedmont Park, Chastain Park, the Fox Theatre, the Roxy, Variety Playhouse, the Civic Center, the World Congress Center, Centennial Park, the 14th Street Playhouse, The Rialto Centre, the High Museum, the Georgia Aquarium, and the countless club scene is sick.

So what happened? So glad you asked. It all started when I stepped into Centennial Park after an impromptu invitation from my next-door neighbor to see India Arie perform on this fateful May afternoon in 2002. The energy was amazing! Diverse crowd of young and old, white and black, rich and poor sat on lawn chairs and blankets, or stood up, dancing to the soulful rhythms of Arie strumming her guitar and belting out her well-written tunes. "Welcome to the ATL!" I thought happily. "This is exactly why I moved down here. This is where it's happening!" My heart and soul were filled with glee.

The afternoon of fun flowed smoothly into an evening of dancing, with a welcome introduction to the Atlanta nightlife. We headed straight to Hairston's Dinnerclub, a Stone Mountain (east side suburban city) landmark, one might say, one of the few (if not only) black owned clubs that, for decades, has stood the test of time. Wow, was all I thought, upon entering. Here we were -- wearing casual capris, tiny tanktops, smelling like sweat after having been baking and dancing in the park for a couple of hours, looking like scrubs that rolled in off the street -- and everyone was decked out in their fashionable attire, men in tailored suits, women in dresses and high-heeled sandals, skin aglow, from, both, deliberately inadequate air conditioning and just good skin care. It was a sea of sexiness. I smelled the liquor, the colognes, the perfumes, felt the stares, the aura, the attitude, saw the ambience, the decor, the fine brothers...

Stay tuned... This gets good. ;-)