('Tips for Life' offer a solid blueprint for living in peace)
1. Give people more than they expect, and do so cheerfully.
2. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you'd like.
3. Don't say, "I love you," unless you really mean it.
4. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
5. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
6. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt, but it's the only way to live life completely.
7. In disagreements, fight fair. No name-calling.
8. Don't judge people by their relatives.
9. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
10. Call your mom.
11. Say "Bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
12. Don't let a little squabble damage a good friendship.
13. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
14. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
15. Marry someone you love to talk to. As you get older, good conversation will be one of the principal elements of an enduring relationship.
16. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
17. Read more books, and watch less TV.
18. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
19. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
20. Mind your own business.
21. Trust in God, but lock your car.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Thursday, September 30, 2010
My take on The Eddie Long Scandal
This Eddie Long (I refuse to call him a Bishop) scandal has been bothering me for a week, particularly all the attacks on the young men.
As an 8-yr Atlanta resident, these rumors have been circulating since I moved here, so, nope, not at ALL surprised.
This is disturbuing on so many levels. It is amazing to me all the people defending him and condemning the victims. 'IF' this is true, Long was in a position of authority and capitalized on that position against those who trusted & believed that he was their so-called 'spiritual father'. He cheated on his wife, deceived his followers, received millions from trusted parishioners who he pimped to take these 'kids' on trips, buy them gifts, etc. And the hypocrisy of marching, protesting, and condemning gays. How could anyone believe anything that this man has said for all these years? He absolutely needs to step down.
IF this is true, in addition to paying up for the pain and suffering, mental anguish and shame that these young men will have to endure for LIFE, he needs to reimburse the congregation for all their tithes & offerings that built that church for the past 25 years.
Although the members gave of free will, I'm sure the majority of members wouldn't have given had they known it was to subsidize this atrocious, immoral behavior. In spite of having heard rumors, I'm sure most people didn't want to believe it, but instead chose to believe the anti-gay, moral, good-member of society, helping the community, etc... side of Mr. Long. I have even attended the church on 2 occasions myself. Most people believe (or want to) that someone of the cloth would/could not possibly do this... but after all these young men come out, are we to sit here and really believe they are all liars? This attorney is reputable. I took part in the march when she defended Genarlow Wilson. I KNOW she isn't going to lay her reputation on the line w/o having done her due diligence, and I trust her integrity and thoroughness. After all, Genarlow is out of jail right now. She has shown compassion for young men, and so based on all that, yes, I believe these young men are not lying, and I still believe that the congregation should be reimbursed for being duped and bamboozled by a fake and a fraud.
These young men were groomed over a course of time (years, even, as I heard at least one of them met E. Long at 14.... This is typical of molesters... they slowwwwly groom you, gain your trust, etc. And I'm a bit disturbed by the question "why didn't they say anything sooner?" (which even Bev Smith has repeated numerous times)... Victims/survivors of child abuse are often silent because of the shame/blame/game they are also subjected to by the perpetrator. They carry the self-hate/disgust for life. Often, they block it out for years until they get older and then it begins to haunt them... they can't turn it off... it is like an enemy living in your own head. All the memories begin to flood back. What you were told is "normal" you later realize you were bamboozled/duped/deceived by someone you trusted wholeheartedly. This is terrible! And selfish for someone like a BISHOP to take advantage of someone's innocent mind!
Further, when someone is in a position of authority, it is commonly known that you cannot take advantage of that position (ie., clarence thomas / anita hill)... (ie, boss/employee)... (ie, teacher/student). But worse is a pastor/church member, because there is a spiritual relationship that has also been violated! This case truly disgusts me, and I cannot and will not blame the victim ever. This is like blaming a rape victim. Why do people do that???
Other observations I've made about the past few days' developments:
I wholeheartedly believe that Mrs. Long, along with many staff of this church, not only knew but were complicit, so I'm not surprised that she's standing by him.
I also found it quite clever for Eddie Long to wait until Sunday to attract more attendees by declaring a pending announcement, and then not announce anything. Can anyone say "bamboozled"? Mo' money mo' money. He announced that he'd be addressing the congregation on Sunday in order to attract a larger congregation so they could flip the bill for the impending out-of-court settlement? Just sayin'...
Then his inability to say "I'm innocent" caused a lot of speculation. Even Rod Blagogevich stood on the mountain top screaming "I'm innocent!" and you couldn't shut him up (even if he was guilty as sin). Just sayin'. Instead, Eddie Long focused on the media, the amount of attention the church is now getting being indicative of the great impact they make, and the phone calls members are getting was a typical media manipulative distraction. Anyone buying all this nonsense deserves to stay right at New Birth.
I'm so sick to my stomach how so many people always excuse the most atrocious acts by black folk whom we consider "celebrities" and turn a blind eye, and act as if the media is just attacking one of us. (like OJ) But had Eddie Long been white, we'd all be on the attack. This is so disgusting I have no more words for it.
Atlanta has so many homeless people in the streets, and poverty is rampant (don't let them fool you w/ all those mega-mansions). On the news a few months ago were thousands of people baking in the sun, trampling on each other for about 100 section-8 vouchers recently in East Point, an Atlanta suburb? Goes 2 show you how ghetto a large part of ATL is, and yet, preachers of these mega-churches are running around w/ jets, Bentleys, Maybachs, and collecting millions each year. It's a bastardization of the Christian word. I think it's blasphemy.
I am not even surprised by these allegations. I've believed the rumors for years, based on the sources and my keen "gaydar" detector (which you must develop very strongly unfortunately when living in the A).
It was hard for me to watch him preach with muscle shirts and repeating "watch this!" on the pulpit, and all the heavy breathing. To me, the whole thing was always a big act. Not my favorite style of preaching. I always said it was just a grand, orchestrated production.
If this is founded, he should go to jail. I feel for these kids. It is absolutely pedophilia. If he's just "gay" then pick on people your own size! This was simply exploitation of minors! Yeah, in GA they were of age, but they're not even old enough to drink legally! They were still kids still in HS.
I've heard other preachers have been named in the lawsuits. I hope this opens up a pandora's box for all those involved.
As an 8-yr Atlanta resident, these rumors have been circulating since I moved here, so, nope, not at ALL surprised.
This is disturbuing on so many levels. It is amazing to me all the people defending him and condemning the victims. 'IF' this is true, Long was in a position of authority and capitalized on that position against those who trusted & believed that he was their so-called 'spiritual father'. He cheated on his wife, deceived his followers, received millions from trusted parishioners who he pimped to take these 'kids' on trips, buy them gifts, etc. And the hypocrisy of marching, protesting, and condemning gays. How could anyone believe anything that this man has said for all these years? He absolutely needs to step down.
IF this is true, in addition to paying up for the pain and suffering, mental anguish and shame that these young men will have to endure for LIFE, he needs to reimburse the congregation for all their tithes & offerings that built that church for the past 25 years.
Although the members gave of free will, I'm sure the majority of members wouldn't have given had they known it was to subsidize this atrocious, immoral behavior. In spite of having heard rumors, I'm sure most people didn't want to believe it, but instead chose to believe the anti-gay, moral, good-member of society, helping the community, etc... side of Mr. Long. I have even attended the church on 2 occasions myself. Most people believe (or want to) that someone of the cloth would/could not possibly do this... but after all these young men come out, are we to sit here and really believe they are all liars? This attorney is reputable. I took part in the march when she defended Genarlow Wilson. I KNOW she isn't going to lay her reputation on the line w/o having done her due diligence, and I trust her integrity and thoroughness. After all, Genarlow is out of jail right now. She has shown compassion for young men, and so based on all that, yes, I believe these young men are not lying, and I still believe that the congregation should be reimbursed for being duped and bamboozled by a fake and a fraud.
These young men were groomed over a course of time (years, even, as I heard at least one of them met E. Long at 14.... This is typical of molesters... they slowwwwly groom you, gain your trust, etc. And I'm a bit disturbed by the question "why didn't they say anything sooner?" (which even Bev Smith has repeated numerous times)... Victims/survivors of child abuse are often silent because of the shame/blame/game they are also subjected to by the perpetrator. They carry the self-hate/disgust for life. Often, they block it out for years until they get older and then it begins to haunt them... they can't turn it off... it is like an enemy living in your own head. All the memories begin to flood back. What you were told is "normal" you later realize you were bamboozled/duped/deceived by someone you trusted wholeheartedly. This is terrible! And selfish for someone like a BISHOP to take advantage of someone's innocent mind!
Further, when someone is in a position of authority, it is commonly known that you cannot take advantage of that position (ie., clarence thomas / anita hill)... (ie, boss/employee)... (ie, teacher/student). But worse is a pastor/church member, because there is a spiritual relationship that has also been violated! This case truly disgusts me, and I cannot and will not blame the victim ever. This is like blaming a rape victim. Why do people do that???
Other observations I've made about the past few days' developments:
I wholeheartedly believe that Mrs. Long, along with many staff of this church, not only knew but were complicit, so I'm not surprised that she's standing by him.
I also found it quite clever for Eddie Long to wait until Sunday to attract more attendees by declaring a pending announcement, and then not announce anything. Can anyone say "bamboozled"? Mo' money mo' money. He announced that he'd be addressing the congregation on Sunday in order to attract a larger congregation so they could flip the bill for the impending out-of-court settlement? Just sayin'...
Then his inability to say "I'm innocent" caused a lot of speculation. Even Rod Blagogevich stood on the mountain top screaming "I'm innocent!" and you couldn't shut him up (even if he was guilty as sin). Just sayin'. Instead, Eddie Long focused on the media, the amount of attention the church is now getting being indicative of the great impact they make, and the phone calls members are getting was a typical media manipulative distraction. Anyone buying all this nonsense deserves to stay right at New Birth.
I'm so sick to my stomach how so many people always excuse the most atrocious acts by black folk whom we consider "celebrities" and turn a blind eye, and act as if the media is just attacking one of us. (like OJ) But had Eddie Long been white, we'd all be on the attack. This is so disgusting I have no more words for it.
Atlanta has so many homeless people in the streets, and poverty is rampant (don't let them fool you w/ all those mega-mansions). On the news a few months ago were thousands of people baking in the sun, trampling on each other for about 100 section-8 vouchers recently in East Point, an Atlanta suburb? Goes 2 show you how ghetto a large part of ATL is, and yet, preachers of these mega-churches are running around w/ jets, Bentleys, Maybachs, and collecting millions each year. It's a bastardization of the Christian word. I think it's blasphemy.
I am not even surprised by these allegations. I've believed the rumors for years, based on the sources and my keen "gaydar" detector (which you must develop very strongly unfortunately when living in the A).
It was hard for me to watch him preach with muscle shirts and repeating "watch this!" on the pulpit, and all the heavy breathing. To me, the whole thing was always a big act. Not my favorite style of preaching. I always said it was just a grand, orchestrated production.
If this is founded, he should go to jail. I feel for these kids. It is absolutely pedophilia. If he's just "gay" then pick on people your own size! This was simply exploitation of minors! Yeah, in GA they were of age, but they're not even old enough to drink legally! They were still kids still in HS.
I've heard other preachers have been named in the lawsuits. I hope this opens up a pandora's box for all those involved.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Smile for your closeup
They shame you, they blame you,
What they wouldn’t say to you.
When they’re done, they’re gone,
You wonder what you did wrong.
Feels like a dark cloud over your life
The world seems full of so much strife
In times like this, all you can do is wish
Life would be better if you had been rich.
But money can’t heal pain, not even stop the rain.
Can’t break the chain nor halt the train
That you want to ride, so you can hide
And never have to think about suicide.
Is that a copout, or a quick way out
What’s that about, you want to find out.
Na, that’s not cool, you ain’t no fool
You still have a lot of living to do
You tell yourself, you’re better than that,
Life is too good to go out like that.
Times get hard, feelings get scarred,
To protect yourself, you live on your guard.
So much reason to doubt, that you want to shout
Til the universe changes this spiritual drought.
Don’t despair, you must prepare
For the change that’s about to come so near
Get up, stand up, lift your head up,
Bob Marley sang, ‘Stir it up’
Chin up, man up, step your game up
Look up and smile for your closeup.
By Kemi Salako
9/28/10
What they wouldn’t say to you.
When they’re done, they’re gone,
You wonder what you did wrong.
Feels like a dark cloud over your life
The world seems full of so much strife
In times like this, all you can do is wish
Life would be better if you had been rich.
But money can’t heal pain, not even stop the rain.
Can’t break the chain nor halt the train
That you want to ride, so you can hide
And never have to think about suicide.
Is that a copout, or a quick way out
What’s that about, you want to find out.
Na, that’s not cool, you ain’t no fool
You still have a lot of living to do
You tell yourself, you’re better than that,
Life is too good to go out like that.
Times get hard, feelings get scarred,
To protect yourself, you live on your guard.
So much reason to doubt, that you want to shout
Til the universe changes this spiritual drought.
Don’t despair, you must prepare
For the change that’s about to come so near
Get up, stand up, lift your head up,
Bob Marley sang, ‘Stir it up’
Chin up, man up, step your game up
Look up and smile for your closeup.
By Kemi Salako
9/28/10
Friday, September 24, 2010
When you look at profiles, what do you see?
Half-naked bodies desperate for attention?
When you see them pose in front of the mcmansion?
Is that the crib of the homey's peeps?
Does your gaydar detector begin to beep?
Are flashy cars props to entice the materialistic?
Or a sign of the times that glorify the narcissistic?
So you like the guys with the hard chest
All tatted up with bulging biceps?
I love those poses behind the corporate desk?
Makes you think this person's not a hot mess?
They must have their stuff together?
All suited up looking debonair?
Snapping their own pics in the mirror?
Or eating out with friends at dinner?
Maybe professional poses from their photo shoot?
Or laying on the beach, perhaps anything will do?
Then you read their profile, with so much at stake.
If they smoke or do drugs, that you just can't take.
They don't want children, move on to the next?
Or take your chances and put them to the test?
They claim to be self-employed, but you have your doubts?
Are they even working, unemployed, or just bailed out?
Can't blame them for omitting their income.
That's personal but you hope they don't live in a slum.
How much educational achievement even matters?
But typos, poor grammar & spelling don't flatter.
The gold teeth definitely don't help.
But the pimp suits, really? They are something else.
How about the bad girl that tries to act innocent?
The eternally single dude scared of commitment?
Are they gun-shy from their divorce?
Maybe patience should be enforced.
So when you look at profiles, what do you see?
Dating is hard for those who are busy.
We search and we stop, as life gets in the way.
Then suddenly you realize, maybe I should just pray.
When you look at profiles, what do you see?
Copyright © 2010 Kemi Salako
When you see them pose in front of the mcmansion?
Is that the crib of the homey's peeps?
Does your gaydar detector begin to beep?
Are flashy cars props to entice the materialistic?
Or a sign of the times that glorify the narcissistic?
So you like the guys with the hard chest
All tatted up with bulging biceps?
I love those poses behind the corporate desk?
Makes you think this person's not a hot mess?
They must have their stuff together?
All suited up looking debonair?
Snapping their own pics in the mirror?
Or eating out with friends at dinner?
Maybe professional poses from their photo shoot?
Or laying on the beach, perhaps anything will do?
Then you read their profile, with so much at stake.
If they smoke or do drugs, that you just can't take.
They don't want children, move on to the next?
Or take your chances and put them to the test?
They claim to be self-employed, but you have your doubts?
Are they even working, unemployed, or just bailed out?
Can't blame them for omitting their income.
That's personal but you hope they don't live in a slum.
How much educational achievement even matters?
But typos, poor grammar & spelling don't flatter.
The gold teeth definitely don't help.
But the pimp suits, really? They are something else.
How about the bad girl that tries to act innocent?
The eternally single dude scared of commitment?
Are they gun-shy from their divorce?
Maybe patience should be enforced.
So when you look at profiles, what do you see?
Dating is hard for those who are busy.
We search and we stop, as life gets in the way.
Then suddenly you realize, maybe I should just pray.
When you look at profiles, what do you see?
Copyright © 2010 Kemi Salako
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Never Let Fear Hold You Back
For several years in the late 90's, I realized that I was in a dead-end situation. I wanted so desperately to change my environment, move to a city where homes were affordable, meet people similar to me, upwardly mobile, middle class 30-somethings, and leave the NYC metro area. However, fear, doubt, and disappointment became a weight that deadbolted me to working in a dead-end government job in Child Support and residing in a Bronx high-rise co-op.
Finally, in 2001, with the grace of God, with belief in myself, and with support from my family, I found the strength to step out on faith. I had once heard a woman say, "If it is to be, it is up to me." I sat down and wrote a list of pros and cons for staying and leaving, asked what I had to gain and lose, and realized that I had more to lose by fearing taking a chance on the unknown.
Moving out of my comfort zone in NY was the best decision I ever made. Atlanta has offered a wealth of things to do, new friends and contacts, business opportunities, better weather, lots of parties and fun, and a new beginning. It was the best decision I ever made, and this taught me many more life lessons: Never let fear hold you back.
Finally, in 2001, with the grace of God, with belief in myself, and with support from my family, I found the strength to step out on faith. I had once heard a woman say, "If it is to be, it is up to me." I sat down and wrote a list of pros and cons for staying and leaving, asked what I had to gain and lose, and realized that I had more to lose by fearing taking a chance on the unknown.
Moving out of my comfort zone in NY was the best decision I ever made. Atlanta has offered a wealth of things to do, new friends and contacts, business opportunities, better weather, lots of parties and fun, and a new beginning. It was the best decision I ever made, and this taught me many more life lessons: Never let fear hold you back.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
USA Today Dissects Infidelity
I happen to work for a National research company that is cited in two very interesting, extensive USA Today articles about infidelity. The articles in yesterday’s USA Today reference NORC's 1998 GSS (General Social Survey) research study.
'What it means to be faithful' blurred in modern world
'Happy enough' couples fall prey to infidelity, too
'What it means to be faithful' blurred in modern world
'Happy enough' couples fall prey to infidelity, too
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Sexually Starved & Selfish
So, Michael Baisden's topic on his radio show yesterday was about (among other things) liars. Specifically, he asked the audience to call in to explain why men have to lie, when there were quite many women ready, willing, and able to accept a man who is either married or otherwise involved. Some women just don't mind.
Some of his male callers came up with basically what amounts to excuses for their dishonesty, stating reasons such as they didn't think the "other woman" would stick around. Baisden's Mama chimed in with an explanation that made sense: the men don't want their women to go and do the same thing or exercise their options. Baisden said he thought it was plain silly for 45 year old men to still have to lie to get what they wanted, and I agree whole-heartedly! A female caller said she boiled it down to selfishness, which is also an excellent point. What type of person must you be to justify to yourself, and REALLY believe that it is simply and perfectly acceptable to lie as long as the ultimate goal is to satisfy your carnal desires, disregarding anyone else's needs, feelings, and human rights to honesty (at least in my opinion)? I think people like that are really sick and twisted, personally. Selfishness and dishonesty are some of the most loathesome of personality traits that a person can possess, and why does it seem that Atlanta is filled with its share of these kind of people.
Not to knock Atlanta, but let's take today. A friend of mine (who shall remain nameless) calls me today to tell me he had the best sex yesterday. He sounded really (and I mean, REALLY) elated, and I was quite happy for him. I thought, "Good, his wife finally gave him some. Maybe he can stop asking me for it". Well, I was wrong. She was an "old friend" who just "happened" to call him out of the blue after several years. Newly divorced and horny (those are my words, not his), she invited him over spontaneously after brief conversation, and then again just "happened" to come to the door in a bathrobe. What transpired next, beginning right there on the foyer floor, is probably too risque even for this blog, but let's just say 4 hours, 5 condoms, and 8 orgasms later, 2 more sexually starved selfish people in Atlanta had their bodies blissfully satisfied.
The display of complete abandon for his wife by both of them is nothing to be naive or surprised about. Just another day in the ATL. ;)
I was actually fascinated. I wanted to know more. Like, "What happens next? Do you guys start an affair now?"
He said, "That's up to her."
So, I continued, "What if she gets attached emotionally?"
"Well, she knew, so if she does, that's on her," he responded carelessly.
"But," I still wondered aloud, "what if she starts calling the house and acting crazy and all that?"
He responded, "Well, that's a bridge I'll just have to cross when I get to it." Wow, I thought. "Are you willing to risk all that?"
He said, "Men are stupid. Look at Bill Clinton."
I guess I do ask lots of loaded questions, the next of which would be no different. "Do you love your wife?"
He responded, "I love her, but I'm not in love with her."
People, will wonders ever cease?
I cannot neglect to mention that just the very day before all this cavorting took place, the bride and groom had just thrown a lovely BBQ at their home, sent out invitations, purchased groceries, seasoned meats, baked cakes from scratch, cooked and grilled for 2 days preparing for the big event. 45 guests, including family and friends, marveling at the lovely couple, their happy, palacial home, probably the envy of many.
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